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Diaries Of An Anxious Measha…

2/16/19

Dear Diary,

I have 10 million things on my to do list today and I cannot concentrate. Some of the items on my list seem fun – maybe I’ll do those first. *hmm* Or, actually if I do the not so fun tasks and get them out of the way I can look forward to the fun ones. Ughh, maybe I’ll just go talk to someone for a second and get some coffee. *discusses to do list* *makes coffee* *drinks coffee* Okay, time to hunker down on these to do items… Ughhguhh now I feel shaky. My mind is shifting from one thing to the other. What if I don’t get this done on time? Will people hate the outcomes? What if I ruin everything?

I think I need a nap.

 

Sincerely,
Anxious Measha

 


2/26/19

Dear Diary,

I made plans with a friend I don’t see very often, but now that it’s almost time to hangout, being social sounds sooo exhausting. I think I’m going to cancel my plans and just lay on the couch.

 

Your Friend,
Anxious Measha

 


3/6/19

Dear Diary,

I want to be an artist. No wait, actually I want to plan events, I’ve always wanted to plan events, it’s SO much fun especially when you get to work with musicians. Actually, planning events is socially and mentally exhausting. Maybe I’ll be an assistant to someone and just hunker down in a tiny corner of an office where nobody can talk to me, that sounds nice.

 

Warm Regards,
Anxious Measha

 


3/17/19

Dear Diary,

Do I have to face the world today? Can I just get back into bed? Everything sounds too hard. *bites nails furiously*

 

-Anxious Measha

 


4/15/19

Dear Diary,

I can be anything I want to be. When I was little I wanted to be a Veterinarian. Animals are so cute and cuddly. Ahh, but what if one attacked me when I was trying to help it? What if I thought I sedated a dog and it woke up in surgery and started running around everywhere while it was cut open? Omg, what if I accidentally killed someone’s cat?!

Okay, I’m glad I don’t want to be a Veterinarian anymore, and definitely not changing my mind like I do with everything else.

 

Your pal,
Anxious Measha

 


5/13/19

Dear Diary,

I always want to relax when I get home from work. Maybe do some yoga, take a hot shower, read a little with light by a candle, go for a nature walk. But then, I end up googling a bunch of symptoms I was feeling throughout the day and suddenly think I have shin splints, carpal tunnel or stomach cancer! And by the time I realize I haven’t been relaxing it’s time to go to sleep and I just lay there forever, and ever, and ever. Then morning comes, ugh, that darn morning, someone has to take it out of our schedules please.

 

Not A Morning Person,
Anxious Measha

 


6/10/19

Dear Diary,

They must love (insert person’s hobby) more than me. Why don’t we spend more time together? Maybe they actually don’t love me at all? Oh, I’m sure they love me. I haven’t seen them in 24 hours, I wish they’d pay more attention to me.

Oh look all the dishes are done and the toilet is clean! *scans love languages on google* Ahh, they do love me, acts of service is a love language. Everything is fine. Why was I worried?

Yours Truly,
Anxious Measha

 


6/28/19

Dear Diary,

I’m going to get back into drawing.” *buys a bunch of drawing pads, pens, pencils* “I found some cool tutorials of lettering online, I think I’ll try that and then sell them even! Yeah, getting back into art and making money, it’ll be the best thing for me!

*drawing pads, pens and pencils start to get dusty in some random corner of the house*

 

Sincerely,
Anxious Measha

 


7/13/18

Dear Diary,

*nail biting* *hair twirling* *teeth clenching*
…ponders
*nail biting* *hair twirling* *teeth clenching*
…ponders
*nail biting* *hair twirling* *teeth clenching*
…ponders

Mmm, I’ll write another day.

 


 

More posts by Espy Girl relating to anxiety and/or depression:

A Constant Search for Happiness in the Working World
My Mental Illness Journey and Where I’m at Now

Published in Inspiring Mental Health Musings Random Babble Uncategorized Writing

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